You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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