my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
