note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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