He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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