ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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