i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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