good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
