idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
