I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
