....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
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