My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
