Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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