DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
COCAINE IS GR8
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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