How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
