I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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