so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
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