Yo dont text me then not text me
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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