last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
