Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
So here I am, sexting at work.
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