Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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