whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
