why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
