Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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