I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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