youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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