I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
