Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
