Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
