I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
