My hand turned me down
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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