hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
