People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
