one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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