Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
