I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Tell her she can't have a vagina
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
