i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
