I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Why is your signature on my underwear?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Randomize
