We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
