mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Rumble strips road head = magical
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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