Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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