had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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