i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
