i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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