A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
