Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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