Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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