I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
