sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
