when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
