Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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