the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
