You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
wow bdsm is so cute
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
