i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
