honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
